Derby Barmy Army

The Best Ski Itinerary in the World....

March 2008

 

 

 

Sat 01 March

Watch Derby v Sunderland (our second win of the season).

Get to East Mids for check in at 5.20pm and "ram" as many pints down your neck as possible. Get there at 2pm if you want, the bars are open – Tubbs, Royal Highness.

Get on the plane and order multiple bottles of lukewarm wine.

Arrive in Grenoble and as the transfer is during pub time; beer will be provided on the coach.

Geordie John will provide the very best in German quality porn and Shawry will be conducting market research into criminal behaviour etc.

Arrive in La Tania around midnight and throw your bags in room; any unpacking is very homosexual as Ski Lodge will be open for beer and shots.

Sort out seasonnairres rate for all and group / individual accounts.

Get to bed at stupid 0’Clock.

 

 

Sun 02 March

Awake still fully clothed;

Andy Lynas to check if Blick Tongue disease has struck early.

What Breakfast??

Rapid Fire visit to ski rental shop for those who need it – 9am or before.

Get your ski passes by the lift – 7 day Whole Area only – 9am or before.

Everybody meet at lift for roll call at 10am for deciding what to do next – f*** it lets go skiing.

Ski like t***s for a few hours in Courcheval valley and then meet at Bar Le Jump in Courcheval 1850 for piping Goulash and 19 pints of 1664.

Ski like t***s in the afternoon – make sure you give the likes of Crilly and Andy Lynas a wide berth. Crilly does not wear a helmet for nothing. Gays on trays – just do your thing.

Last lift and run down is mandatory with the lifties Beers / shots in Ski Lodge; then round Geordie John’s for high definition Hungarian porn (small viewing fee required). Meal for 19 booked at La Taiga – meet in the bar there for cocktails from 7.30 eat at 8pm. Apologise to Tim for our immature behaviour, as if he isn’t, after the meal.

Back to Ski Lodge or Chrome bar depending on where the chicks are – in La Tania you may find the odd one.

Shep / Pat will do the work trying to chat them up – the rest of us can pick up any pieces.

Watch Roger though he will come on the blindside if your not careful.

Go to bed at stupid 0’clock – make sure Andy Lynas gets home and Mick as well.

 

Mon 03 March

Awake with initial worry about catching Blick Tongue Disease – Andy Lynas will be in the first stages of development.

Meet for first lift at 8.45am and get really p***** off with those who are late – f*** it lets go.

Off piste day – snow conditions permitting. Watch Crilly attempt to commit suicide. For those with Pat – good luck, I hope your fit and don’t bother with a mobile – Pat will have his.

For those having a lesson probably at 9.15am - details to follow Meet at xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx for lunch Ski like t*****s in the afternoon.

As Forest are on TV on the Monday night game in the Ski Lodge and we can ill afford to add to our criminal records: we are off to 1550 for a night out – details to follow.

Meet in the Ski Lodge at 7pm for pick up.

Last drinks in Ski Lodge on return for one of us to pick up a brand new pair of skis – Dynastar Legends. Tim is running a draw for somebody to win these. He will obviously be briefed to make sure one of us wins them.

Go to bed nervously checking any signs of Blick Tongue; by now Andy Lynas will be stricken with it full on.

For the advance chick chatting crew they will be either be in s*** mode or arguing over whose bird is theirs.

We can guarantee big fall outs over this and the chance to make a move from behind - Roger.

For those not a*** back to Geordie Johns for a porn update – a different theme everyday with the very best of Romanian on the cards tonight.

 

 

Tue 04 March

Escapades day – yep as many lifts by 5pm as you can get to.

As there is over 600km of pistes make sure your ready to rock at first lift. It is a team game and these will be sorted based on ski expertise - Lunch – you ain’t got time, make your own.

5pm Rond Point in Meribel valley for Apres skis. The highlight being to watch Andy Lynas be thrown around like a rag doll in the World Crowd Surfing Championships (Blick Tongue permitting).

Anyone seen trying to kop a cheap feel of a girl being crowd surfed will be formally XXXXXXXX, make sure you have euros as we do not have an account here and we will be drinking toffee vodka by the bottle at 55 euros a throw!

Taxis around 8pm back to La Tania – change and down for meal at Ski Lodge for Champions League game.

Andy Lee will be running a book on the game.

Escapade winners to be announced Syphilis live in the Ski Lodge at 10am – a good band although they do suffer with sexual disease.

Dancing is compulsory, however anyone dancing with another team mate will be severely XXXXXed.

The usual – chatting up Chicks, arguing over them, but if your not, back to Geordie Johns for the freestyle Albanian porn stars.

 

 

Wed 05 March

By now feeling the pace – so first lift 9am and ski hard.

Blick tongue check at the first lift.

Big dump overnight – well in the bogs anyway.

Black run day – as many as you can do in a day. Prize for verified number.

Meet in Ski lodge at 6pm for Black Death aperitifs prior to taxis over to Lodge Du Village in Meribel – band, lots of silly dancing, more shots and meal.

Apologise to Tim after meal for upsetting his other customers.

This is subject to change dependent on which Champions League game we prefer.

Don't mention comedy night at La Taiga - Tim.

Back to Ski Lodge for last drinks and usual attempt to chat up the one or two single women in La Tania, for those not a***** back to Geordie Johns for Russian Porn.

By now Blick Tongue will have set in – there is no known cure except Tims house red wine which instantly dissolves the problem.

Photo for the next day required – if you want to go naked it is ok, however it will probably be on the website!!!

 

 

Thu 06 March

Big hangover – First lift 9am – if not there – f*** off.

GPS tracker day – strap it to you arm and it will provide a read out at the end of the day of top speed, KM covered etc.

You get a certificate thing with your picture on – which means a group nude shot on the slopes of La Tania. The locals look on and think we are typically English. You cover your parts up with hands as otherwise it will look far too small for the shot. The shot is posted on www.latania.co.uk forever.

Meet at Lodge Du Village for apres and band in Meribel around 5pm – taxis back for meal at Ski Lodge booked for 8.30pm / as an alternative to this Roger may organise a poker tournament in the ski lodge.

Apologise for behaviour after the meal.

Evening completely falls apart and it becomes fight night amongst ourselves – we have to pay Tim for the damage to his bar and promise it will not happen again.

For those that can’t be a**** back to Geordie Johns for the best porn film ever made – Lady Chatterleys Lover followed by confessions of a ski instructor (was T Wall in that?) Has anyone seen Andy Lynas?

 

 

Fri 07 March

Slalom day – yep first lift with timings to be confirmed for the slalom. This is subject to organisation Streaky fancies himself for this – after winning a school trip aged 14. Crilly will make sure he puts the poles back Andy Lee will be running a book / prizes in the evening.

Check Blick tongue progress.

Awards for the week lined up for La Taiga at 5pm – hosted by T Wall and various female type assistants. Categories to be confirmed but any great ideas welcome. Worst gear, best wipe out, best blick tounge, shagmeister of the week and results of the 2008 crime survey will be announced amongst others.

La Taiga meal booked for around 8pm – apologise to Tim for our behaviour after the meal.

By this point in complete disarray – so make your own night up.

Chase chicks, drink silly amounts, do shots etc and if you can’t be a**** with all that back to Geordie Johns for the one and only amazing Polish porn fest.

By this point whoever is with Andy L – make sure he gets home to treat his Blick Tongue problem

 

 

Sat 08 March

Final day – first lift at 9am – or yep you guessed it f*** off.

Any one who wants to see Derby win there 3rd game of the season then Derby are on Sky, 12.45pm at Chelsea.

Perhaps alternatively we could watch some NFL and show some support for our new American friends.

Or we could just keep reminding the Tubbsmeister which league DIRTY Leeds are in Lunch xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.

Back to Ski Lodge for 4.00ish last beers and leave at 6pm for airport (beer on coach).

Bar at Grenoble airport.

Lukewarm wine on plane (multiple bottles).

Arrive in Blighty at 11.30pm Straight to Limes and Pitcher & Piano for shots, beers and chasing women.

Or Drop stuff off at home – then go to the Masons for quiet beer and a shot or seven – anyone seen Andy Lynas?

Or straight to Derby Hospital for urgent treatment on Blick Tongue...............................

 

 

 

page last updated 10/03/08