Sanjhi's Hot Tips
Thought's of wisdom from the old man....
www.extreme-cuisine.co.uk Chalet Catering and Indian Deliveries, La Tania, France
I often say to you people "Don't have a Vindaloo before a Powder day" and "If you are feeling a little Chilli then you could either be Skiing in the cold or groping a small spicey vegetable". Someone asked me, "Do you like your Naan Plain?" I say "not really I would prefer it if she looked like Pamela Anderson".
More words of wisdom, hot tips, recipes, problem solving and advice from Sanjhi will appear here throughout the Winter Season - stay tuned (man).
Launch Party pics here
10 Dec 2007
"Recently I was honoured to be selected as a judge at a curry cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking directions to the beer tent when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges (couple of local Indians) that the curry wouldn't be all that spicy, and besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted. Here are the scorecards from the event:
Curry # 1: Manoj's Maniac Mobster Monster Curry
JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick. JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavour. Very mild. SANJHI: Holy sh*t, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Indian blokes are crazy.
Curry # 2: Applesamy's Afterburner Curry
JUDGE ONE: Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang. JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavour, needs more peppers to be taken seriously SANJHI: Keep this out of reach of children! I'm not sure what I am supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich manoeuvre. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face
Curry # 3: Farouk's Famous Burn Down the Barn curry
JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse curry! Great kick. Needs more beans. JUDGE TWO: A beanless curry, a bit salty, good use of red peppers. SANJHI: Call Lucas Heights, I've located a uranium spill! My nose feels like I have been snorting Domestos. Everyone knows the routine by now, get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting sh*t-faced from all the beer.
Curry # 4: Barbu's Black Magic
JUDGE ONE: Black bean curry with almost no spice. Disappointing. JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a curry. SANJHI: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it, is it possible to burn-out taste buds? Savathree, the bar maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills; that 300 lb. b*tch is starting to look HOT, just like this nuclear waste I'm eating. Is curry an aphrodisiac?
Curry # 5: Laveshnee's Legal Lip Remover
JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong curry. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive. JUDGE TWO: Curry using shredded beef; could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement SANJHI: My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I f*arted and four people behind me needed hospital treatment. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her curry had given me brain damage.Savathree saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from a pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning lips my lips off? It really p*sses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming.
Curry # 6: Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety
JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety curry. Good balance of spice and peppers. JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb. SANJHI: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulphuric flames. I sh*t myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that sl*t Savathree,she must be kinkier than I thought. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my a*se with a snow cone
Curry # 7: Sugash's Screaming Sensation Curry
JUDGE ONE: A mediocre curry with too much reliance on canned peppers. JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of curry peppers at the last moment. I should note that I am worried about Judge number 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably. SANJHI: You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a damn thing. I've lost the sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with curry which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava-like sh*t to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. Bugger it, I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4 inch hole in my stomach.
Curry # 8: Hansraj's Mount Saint Curry
JUDGE ONE: A perfect ending, this is a nice blend curry, safe for all, not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence. JUDGE TWO: This final entry is a good, balanced curry, neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge Number 3 passed out, fell over and pulled the curry pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor chap, wonder how he'd have reacted to a really hot curry? SANJHI: [No entry recorded]
22 Jan 2007
Mr Toffa sir I was told when I boarded the aeroplane from calcutta that I would be in for a Bludy freezing my Brass monkey's nuts off ! Bludy bollocks Mr toffa Sir , I have not been wearing my cosy anorak parker all winter just my summer 'sherwani's' and sandles, it has been hotter than Delhi in a heat wave.
Thank Ganesha , the elephant god , for Big brother which has been keeping me very interested !. Who is this big bosomed foul speaking woman who stomps around like a pregnant elephant looking for her young , throwing Insults and nastiness to the glorious and beautiful Shilpa Shetty?
Who is this Woman who screams and screeches and dribbles with her eyes rolling to the back of her head ...... I tell you mr Toffa sir and wonderful warm readers ......SHE IS THE DEVIL WOMAN ! She call Shilpa , ' Shilpa Papadam '. Well I say to her , How would you like to be called Jade ' Fish and Chip'?? Not velly nice is it Jade 'Fish and Chip?
So I beg all you lovely skiers , unite against this badness that we have seen , show unity throughout the world , peace and loving , let us make a stand in the glorious mountains of the Savoie!
How do you do this? Order a Curry Now and show your intolerance to how beloved princess of Bollywood has been treated ! I am not saying this because I have the only Curry Delivery service in the Three Valley's Sir . I say this to stop Jade Fish and Chip from taking over the world and becoming the next president of the United of States.
Thankyou all for listening you are truly wonderful and kind people within your own domaines and probably very handsome or pretty to somebody.
May Kama the god of love bless you, Sanjhi
18 Dec 2006
Lovely readers,
I have lots of lovely skiing people saying to me and the fantastic Mrs Beckita ' sanjhi , Where is the white powdery snow' ?
What do you brudy expect! You all keep eating brudy Curries and breaking winds around the skiey slopes . . mr Toffa and mr. cusshie sir had super hot Naga last night so are totally responsibles for no snow in la tania and probably the world.
But don't be worrying fantastic readers , there is velly ' Chilli' front coming in from Rajhistan.
Peace and lovely things
Sanjhi
PS. does any peoples be able to change my moped tyres to skiing planks . Brudy sick of falling off!
01 Dec 2006
Good Morning Mr .toffa sir
When i was being brought up by my cuddly Mother in Calcutta she would say 'Sanjhi , respect your food as it is the giver of life springing from mother earths breast , and rice is the milk form the teat ' What a laugh we had in my family!
So great masses of la tania.co.uk followers here is the super fantastic rice tip from your Ghuru.
Steam method is brudy fantastic please , absorbing the water and the flavours 1 part Rice to 1 1/4 water ( be preferrig from river Ghanji but if not available then Tap water brudy fantastic) wash rice
Put in steaming machine and add a little safrron which gives nicey colour of Rajhistan desert .
Be throwing in A few cloves (not your dirty washing , you should be doing that in local river , river washing will be next weeks top tips) and then add a few cardamon pods
Be letting steam on and after you get ...Lovely rice that my mother would have been proud of .
Sanjhi
PS. I was asked whether onion Bhargies are made in other countries........yes please sir , they are in Argentina They are being called ' Argie Bhargies'
