THE PUNTER 7th April 2002

News from the 7th edition
All the weeks Gossip from La Tania & Meribel Village

Sam Wall Update
Yes Yes you all knew it was a strong likelihood, but now after a flying visit to Albertville hospital on Wednesday The Punter can reveal young Sam Wall is the proud owner of his fathers hairstyle – THE MULLET !!! Mother and son are now back in resort taking time off,Tim’s been practicing his nappy changing techniques, walking the dogs and trying to sort out the wages!! Rumours of the 666 birthmark are totally unfounded but so far Sam's hat stays firmly on !

Charity Update
How will Sam recognise his Dad after the original Mullet is shaved off on the 17th April ? Lets keep thinking of further ideas for the charity event of the season ! We need 7500€. Dan’s back from his “love dash” to the UK and hopefully he has his mind focused on the event fully now (not on some chick in Blighty). Spread the word to all workers … ******17th April is THE DAY******

Fight Club
The spring sun has brought tempers to boiling point – We at The Punter have heard of many fighting stories, the best of which are: Bondy (ski higher/Basi instructor/Ex Pitstop/ full time dad) was involved in a ROAD RAGE incident in Le Praz receiving a black eye off a mad frenchman, before giving back as good as he got !! Go on Bondy – Give ‘em hell! Karen(AITA) & Jo(Ski deep) were pushed off a lift in Mottaret by Drunk Brit Punter in a mad dash for the last lift home ! Fortunately Ski Deeps Gazza was around to offer the services of the classic BMW and delivered them to the LDV for a calming après ski beer or three ! More LIFT RAGE :Sandy (AITA) was brutally attacked by a ski wielding Frenchy , hurling abuse and skis they rumbled in the Saboia lift (floor 1) with Sandy coming off the victor and the Frenchy hopping off with his tail between his Frogs legs ! Vive L’Anglais ascenseur ! With the pressure of fatherhood telling on Tim Wall ,the lack of order Pads at the Pub lead to pandemonium ! Tim not only throwing teddy out of the cot but throwing pads into the bar claiming the staff to be a bunch of gorillas who couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery! They all seem pissed to us - Ed

Letters to the Editor
Dear Ed
I understand there are going to be some “workers” t shirts printed this season,could you let me know where I could pick up and order form from . If it is the Ski Lodge could you give me directions as I do not know the way there.
Yours truly,
Running out of clean T Shirts
Start thinking of your names for season 2002/3 - You fools.

Dear Ed
If I don’t put sun cream on will my head go red?
If you come in April, bring the Hawaiian Tropic, you Dozy Geordie Git.
Drink of the week

Bloody Mary!
Leave ketchup on a sunny terrace table for 6 days on the trot,slowly fermenting to bursting point, take a pint glass,1/2 fill with the cheapest vodka you can lay your hands on and fire the Tommy K into the glass. Down at once then rush to the Bogs, only to be drunk in spring !!

LOST , Pete lost his Olympus Camera at the TMC/Natives race-he only had it 10 days ,a pressie from his Missus –he’s in deep shit so get it back to him !
LOST, Gibbs Landy –apparently Irish Dave (Mr 10%) was last seen driving the beast in a haze of Murphys fumes.
LOST, Dan Provost was missing for 6 days chasing skirt all over Europe.
FOUND – Religion by many Absente drinkers & James Shilton (again)

Arrivals & Departures
Toffa jets back to the UK on Sunday after a hard couple of weeks trying to fix the Pub Cam after Prov cocked the Modem up .
Bonnie – our very own page 3 model leaves LT on Saturday,It’s a crying shame.
Ben (ski bum/snowline/table thief) back to UK to hob nob with the celebs.
Toffas Mum & Dad are still here until Thursday..Good to see Arthur looking well.
Nics Mum arrives on Saturday to check up on his drinking habits & internet usage !!

Eyes down for a full house of gossip…it’s the Barfly !
There were shock Sightings of Alpine warriors raiding the boulongerie in full tribal clothing earl Tues morning !! Descended from an Afro-Kiwi tribe that settled here ears ago ,the early thaw this season has seen them coming down the mountain to search or food shelter. Easily recognised by their black and yellow spears and tattered Snow Safari sarongs – DO NOT APPROACH AS THEY MAY BE DANGEROUS.

Fleet is the latest to join the Narcolepsy club following a hard Tuesday night and a heavy internet session after work…he had a good ½ hours kip not unlike Pete (found in the Loos) & Nathan at an after work party at Karen & Nics (and every wed night after work).

Ollie (TMC) injured himself (yet again) showing off to his guests,he’s now suffering aching limbs and days of ridicule!!

Cash or Breast Action !!
The very last Punter Tom served at ork flashed her conkers !! and who else could it be but our own page 3 star – Bonnie yes it was 2 jugs for 2 jugs (of Amstel) Come on girls-not long left-get ‘em out !!

SnowSafaris are expecting trouble this week as they are hosting Rock wild men –Shibboleth! –who return for a final gig @ the ski Lodge on Tuesday night !!
The safari team have already s*** in the wardrobe, smashed the crockery and thrown the tv out of the window to make the band feel at home !!
The band reform this week to prevent Colin from more one-man-band efforts at light muzak,burt Bacarrach & carpenters numbers !
Carnage that’s the best word for the whole thing !

More news of bedhopping between Ski Lodge & Ski Beat !
The number of hook-ups has now reached double figures due to end of season panic -shagging !! For those still desperate, be in the Pub Wednesday 10pm for Jules & Suzie's dating service. No charge …but Jules will be filming !

Following on the RAGE theme
A good hearted bunch turned out for the 6 nations rugby yesterday, after seeing France triumph the locals steeled down for the Grand National & the wooden spoon comp (Scots V Wales). An alarming amount of beer was drunk and led to a swift rumble , with the SNOWLINE bloke being head locked out of the bar and his own staff punching & dragging him home to be locked in a cupboard for the rest of the night !

All the news from LDV
Paul Pulled !!! is she deaf, mad or blind ? He was going for the pair but failed to bed the twin beauties ! Christina (Bodos Bint) is organising a end of season 70/80’s night April 16th-5€ gets you entrance,free shot,cheap drinks all night and a free minibus to Dicks.

*********1st Annual Charity Race Day *******
Off with T Walls Mullet – 7500€ needed
This is it the event of the season is nearly here,
The race to end all races !
Registration : every evening in the Ski Lodge 6pm – 7pm
And on race day at the lodge @ 12 noon
Race format : Start Pub le Ski Lodge
All up the Bubble,then the 4 man chair
Chinese downhill starts at the top of the chair @ 2pm
Shots at the bottom of the Chair
Checkpoint ½ way down the course
Mad Dash for the terrace !!
Sledge Race : Bring your own sledge & hoon down the Troika @ 3pm
(all Vehicles accepted!!!!!)
Prizes : 1st Three on the terrace
1st three in the Sledge race
Most imaginative route
Best racing costume !
From 4pm !
The Noize,Bagpuss & Shibboleth playing live ON THE TERRACE
BBQ All happy hour – sponsored by Icicles , Sliver fox on the BBQ
Featured event – Boiled Egg eating competition with Animal from the Alps (TC)
V Young Pretender Bully (1650)
Sweepstakes and betting to take place on the egg comp !!

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The Views represented in this publication are only those expressed by ourselves, some may be true others almost completely made up, but somewhere there will be a grain of truth… don't forget ,there's no smoke without fire !! …..the walls have ears ! The Punter is always watching! E-mail The Punter at and see it in print every weekend!