THE PUNTER 24th March 2002
from the 5th edition
All the weeks Gossip from La Tania & Meribel Village
There was uproar in the Ski Lodge on Monday night as Simon from Ultimate Events Hosted the Pillow Fighting contest in a pool of p***
According to our sources a certain chocco lab was seen relieving himself upon the arena floor, he was forced into this sorry situation after begging his owner to leave for some time, sadly a plea which fell on deaf (or drunk ?) ears !!
After the said incident the poor lad tried to leave the scene of the crime with his tail stuck firmly between his legs – his only clear escape route was out via the keg room and through the back door !
An already chaotic situation was further compounded by the owner refusing to clear up his own dogs mess and insisting the bar staff got the mop out !!
Who is to blame for this tangled mess ? We at The Punter are trying to get to the bottom of the story, read more in Jurrie the Jury.
In a daring move by Iain from www.natives.co.uk this years race format has been drastically changed ! No more combined teams of skiers/boarders! NO you have to be all skiers or all boarders ! This comes after a great deal of whinging from the second place team last year (thinking they had been done by the winners).
It’s hardly in the spirit of the mountain is it? Several teams have now backed out due to an over-seriousness in the event and are looking to boycott (or just get w******* and make a nuisance of themselves) ! The Punter says – For ***** sakes lighten up Iain, It’s only a bit of fun !!
Following last weeks idea requests for Dan Provosts charity event at the end of the season; we have had some good thoughts but the best so far has been Billy’s ‘Chinese downhill’ from the top of the chair to the ski lodge terrace with the winner getting to shave Tim's Head !
Letters to the Editor
I am confused & somewhat concerned by Stuart's (ski beat) behaviour this week,He has been hanging around chalets at irregular hours & acting most suspiciously . Is he the La Tania pervert that I’ve heard so much about or does he just have a morbid fascination for getting his friends and colleagues into trouble ? Please help me as I am concerned for the safety of my children.
PS why does his face look like a smacked arse when he reads this ?
I sill haven’t had any responses for a shag !
Bonnie Le Ski
Arrivals & Departures:
Richard (ski Beat) – running a chalet for a week whilst on his easter break !
That annoying blonde haired kid who claims to be a Saisonnaire !
His two sisters/mates (-16) one of which Mongo pulled last night.
COULD THIS BE THE WEEK FOR THE BIGGEST ARRIVAL OF THE SEASON? Still awaiting the arrival of the Walls heir.
Sadly more departures than arrivals now !
Ski Spence – he’s gone off with debs to the Maldives
Butler NBV left this week
Matt (ski lodge)went BUT came back…fool !or could it be love ?????
Departing from the Pub @ 9:30pm some punter being dragged out unconscious !
Eyes down for a full house of gossip…it’s the
Bizarre tales from the Monday club at the Pub. This week gangsta crapper B.K.Itchin’ was heard spouting love for his brothers on the west side (would that be Tagna Village). Anyone interested in joining his crew for some drive-bys (at the Albertville McDonalds) should knock 4 times on the kitchen door and exclaim Yo Yo Yo bigupmassivrespecttomyhomies-wicked!! Is B.K.Itchin’ the new Ali G ? Booyakasha !
Join the speed-walking club from Kalinka to Chalets between 7 & 8 most mornings - these sessions are headed by Susie (Ski Beat) who can cover the ground in 5 minutes normally (15 if hungover and 3 if still pissed)
anyone for a cigar!
Mrs Mansons Birthday
The LDV hosted a fantastic night on Thursday for Mrs Mansons Birthday.
The regular bar staff were ousted as the Dream Team of Mesuirs Manson(snow safaris), Prov (Charity race organiser), Atkinson (Accom in the Alps) & Shorty (YTS) took over and helped drain the bar !! By the end of the night Sal (Ski bum) had been encouraged to stage dive by the Tuesday Hens Club who promptly moved out of the way and wet their knickers as she crashed to the floor! The following morning saw a deserted LDV, with Tim hunting down his top waitress (sophie) he stumbled across her in a romantic embrace with legendary guitarist George (shibb,Bjorn again). He was certainly strumming away on a loose stringed instrument !
Jurrie the Jury
By day an upstanding member of Chabi by night …
This weeks case: Dog incontinence !
Prosecution :Simon (ultimate events)
-if it’s your dog that pisses on my mat you clean it up !
Defence : Mr Cloggs
-Murphy’s a big dog and responsible for his own actions.
Jurries verdict :”I feel I strangely agree with my employer on this one and must insist that the bar staff must clear up all the mess whether created by man or beast !
went well last night,with him being incapable of work at all,sinking many shots and the drink of the week then proceeding to do the dance of the naked wooden spoon with Dave,before pulling a 15 yr old chick (is that legal?)
How old do you feel today Mongo ?
All the news from LDV
Chef Jaff headed home for a couple of days last week ,only to be stopped at the French border and drug searched ! (all they could find was a huge consignment of sausage) did they find that internally Jaff?
Jo’s been on the ‘Green Stuff’ again ranting around naked in the appt,the strange behaviour has not been received well from the chefs !
Could the green stuff have come from Lees fridges?
Christina could be on the search for a new man after reports of a semi-naked attack on Lee
She’s also rather worried about a foto the Punter has got …Should we print it ?? Email us 68 days to world cup – Go On Lads !
France beat the scots –Jesus was very subdued last night and continued to cry into his beer well into the early hours of the morning.
The Taffs got well and truly stuffed by England 50-10 saving T Wall a naked strip up the Troika.
T Wall Charity Pledge to have Head Shaved
In Aid of Imperial Cancer Research, Dan Provost has persuaded T.Wall to have his mullet removed for the miserly sum of £5000! Through his powers of persuasion he has already got 10 of the most prestigious companies in the 3 Valleys : TMC, Ski Higher, Brewskis (St Martin) ,Pub Le Ski Lodge, Snow Safaris, Accommodation in the Alps, Icicles, Ski Deep, Dicks T Bar, and the Bubble Bar (1650) have all agreed to sponsor the event .Other companies are in negotiation right now – get involved : 0671358015.
We at The Punter are fully behind his efforts and urge all Saisonnaires to support this excellent cause. Pub Le Ski Lodge will host a BBQ (free to competitors) on the terrace during happy hour while 3 bands have offered their services including Alan Parry and his boys!
Ultimate events will carry on the party into the evening and remember
all the monies raised go to charity-not T Walls ever increasing money mountain.
Check out next weeks Punter for more details and amount of cash raised so far!
Matt returned last night and it’s Amee’s last night ! – Get it on ce soir boys & girls !! Did Mongo do the deed last night or did Tom get in there first ? Mary (Ski higher) and Aussie Ben were up to no good other night –what’s going on there???? James is going to get his end away (he hopes) with the chick from the Tsaretta !!!!!
This weeks big events
It’s Christmas in La Tania this week with Jesus’s (L’Isle Vert) Birthday ,The Punter says Hallelujah – have a great day,you deserve it (for all the English grub you’ve delivered). Tuesday also marks the end to a long hard season for Poundy (SL Cleaner),Watch out for him smashing glasses,being sick and pissing everywhere but in the pan. Which lucky fella is cleaning up on Wednesday morning? Shibboleth disappear on Wednesday after great work drinking, shagging and gigging - don’t cry yet though girls-Colin will remain for a little while in a state of loved-up ness“Just the one Colin?”
The Punter is available online at www.latania.co.uk
The Views represented in this publication are only those expressed by ourselves, some may be true others almost completely made up, but somewhere there will be a grain of truth don't forget ,there's no smoke without fire !! ..the walls have ears ! The Punter is always watching! E-mail The Punter at email@example.com and see it in print every weekend!