THE PUNTER 17th March 2002

News from the 4th edition
All the weeks Gossip from La Tania & Meribel Village

Now we're smokin'
Following The Punter's appeal the resorts unofficial altitude seems to have risen to in excess of the Cime de Caron (highest lift in the 3 valleys) ,lets shoot for the Moon! This now means that the Britannia Smoking Club will be in session at all times, please attend with a demi and a lighter! After the appeal hit the World Wide Web, Punters have been bringing it with them..but there is still a shortage of skins (Tabac opens until 19:30)..Why don't they sell them behind the bar ??

Pages Missing
On a more serious note, some of you who were not that ****** by 6pm Sunday may have noticed the distinct lack of page 4 on some copies of The Punter. This was due to the untimely loss of ink in the printer cartridge ! Many Thanks to the gang at Chabi for their help in extending the print run ! This means that the time has come for us to ask you to continue your support in terms of CASH. Should you come across a member of staff from The Punter Please, please cross their palms with silver .ONCE AGAIN USE US OR LOSE US !!

Nude Charity Bash
This is the chance for all you saisonairres to put something back into this world ,you should have had a ball all season and it's nearly all over.
In association with The Punter & Dan Provost (ex barman, plumber, skier, boarder, shagger and now excellent French speaker!) is looking to organise an end of season charity event on behalf of Imperial Cancer Research ,he needs your help with support and suggestions !

What big event would you like to see happening on the last weekend of the season ? Will it be a final naked run down Folyers by all the workers , could it be Tim Wall having his head shaved, or will it be a big piss up in the ski lodge with the valiant owners giving all proceeds to charity? Lets have your thoughts into The Punters 'Tub of Delights' on the bar, or email us NOW. LETS HELP HIM GET ON IT !!

Letters to the Editor
Dear Ed,
Did I see Grazed David stalking a chalet girl down on the bridge on Tuesday night/Wednesday morning?

I'm sure that fine upstanding member of the pubs staff would never leave his post (or his colleagues) just for a quickie !

Dear Ed,
Is it true that planes can only land on the 1850 altiport and not take off?

Yes ,it's also true that gullible does not appear in the dictionary…you *** !!

Soap News !!
Big scenes on Eastenders at Steve Owens funeral as Sam Mitchell storms into the church declaring her and Steve's love !! Mel ditches his ashes on the bar of the Vic for Phil ,he then does the right thing and scatters them peacefully (SHOCK) .

Arrivals & Departures
Debs (ex Pitstop chopper)is going back to the UK to pack her bikini , She will be replaced by Phil's (Ski Spence) 5 hunky mates for the final week of Phil's season (they still need staff in Greece call him on 0479222671). Aimee (Crystal Kim's mate) arrives on the 17th along with Lowri (Ex Ski Beat) ..expect to see a lot less of Pete for the 1st part of this week !! Deb Wall's family arrive this week here to enter the sweepstake I'm sure. COULD THIS BE THE WEEK FOR THE BIGGEST ARRIVAL OF THE SEASON? We at The Punter think so !!

More bar action from the missing Crystal Four- It's steel ,not crystal, balls you need..Get stuck in to the bar !!

Eyes down for a full house of gossip…it's the Barfly!
Empties amnesty !
To All concerned a message reaches us from behind the bar : Sadly it appears some forgetful saisonairres have been wandering off with glasses at closing time ,thanks for leaving promptly but please could we have the glasses back ?!
If you don't bring them back you'll find the drinks are dispensed at a much slower rate. Do every one a favour bring them back-we know who you are & where you live !! (Don't make us send the boys round !!)

More Taff Tales
First the sublime - Having found Lou (Ski Deep Punter),drunk with a sticky mess in his hair under the bridge downtown.They kindly delivered him back to his chalet in a "drinks for lifesaving deal" But what was that in his hair? Now the ridiculous - pushing the boundaries of the obscene ....We at The Punter try the Cleaver !

All the news from LDV
Lees two mates arrived in Village this week a bit of a rumpus was heard in the early hours of the morning. Maybe it was lee himself nursing his bruises after falling twice in to the same ditch on the way home from Dicks. He then followed that up winning a 10€ bet by getting into bed with Aussie barman Dave !! (This seems to be a trend with Lee as he was bed hopping with Marco at the beginning of the season!). More Lee News : He's been blown out by the lovely Natasha ..could this be Pauls big chance…will we see Lee over in La Tania looking for love??
The kitchen certainly seem to provide the gossip….come on bar-staff do your stuff !!

Sibboleth failed to rock the Pub this Tuesday , Due to George nipping over to Sweden to have his wig re-measured and flares adjusted ,as Bjorn Again are on tour all summer ! This didn't stop the pub going off though with Bry Nylon and his wheels of steel packing the place out on Shorts N Shades night.
Bry Nylon was seen attempting to play Kaths own wheels of steel ( or maybe he just fancied a fried egg sarnie). It was a poor night on the cash or breast front, with promises coming from top London DJ Tim "in the mix" Harrow that a ...... How much sambuca can it take to get it out ?

Tee shirt news
The order has finally gone in and is being printed over this weekend, we should all be sporting them by Wednesday.

Sports Round Up
LONDON (Reuters) - Arsene Wenger hopes to move one step closer to his "obsession" today when Arsenal meet Aston Villa, needing a victory to boost their English premier league title chances.

75 days to world cup - Go On Lads !

INDIAN WELLS, California (Reuters) - Daniela Hantuchova shocked second seed Martina Hingis 6-3 6-4 in the final of the $2.1 million Indian Wells Masters to claim her first career singles title.

F1 Grand Prix - Malaysia: Ralph Schumacher won the Malaysian Grand Prix with his brother finishing third after a collision at the 1st corner !

More Gossip from La Tania & Meribel Village
Rumours abound of yet more strangeness over in LDV, with Christina forging a strong alliance with the rhythm section of Shibboleth, this is combined with the fact that Paul behind the bar is actually a goblin ! My word what a close knit community it is in Meribel Village !!

A note was received late on Saturday night stating "Le Ski Nannies looking for young single men to meet their sexual needs..any takers contact The Ski Lodge" Come On Lads !!

Alpine Night Monkey Sightings
Amazing sightings of Night Monkeys in the sleepy resort of La Tania ! Stories of lost stereos, underwear appearing in monkey nests, they've been see on the roof of the Grand Bois and at Nathan Brookes corner !!…Should you see a night monkey , do not approach it as they are very dangerous and do not like to be seen !! What A Lot Of Monkeying Around !!

Late Breaking News
Bomber Provost (ex red 7) international man of mystery, flew his jump jet straight into resort this weekend. He turned up with a couple of his "fly boy" chums , landed on the Troika before taxiing into the Pub and pulling punters within 10 minutes. However it wasn't a punter he left with! A blonde member of the Ski Higher team kept him up until 6 am "just talking" - Bollocks !!

This weeks Birthdays
(it's gonna be a big week !) JB's (last man standing) 19th March
Pete (Punter/NBV) on the 20th March
Sarah Manson (Snow Safaris) on the 21st March
Mongo (!) and Dave (Snowhassle) on 23rd March
Baby Wall at some point this week ???
Prepare for a week of drunken mayhem and to start it all off it's St Patricks day today!

A drunken bar manager from the ski lodge had to be physically removed from LDV by T Wall last night after an all day session over at Brewskis….

Tim Wall - the formative Years!
News rushes in from the UK of the origin of the Mullet! Little Timmy used to be so afraid of the hairdresser he had to be tied to the chair to avoid ear removal ! He hated having short hair so much he refused to eat unless he could wear his Duffel coat at tea time and things have never been the same in the mullet department !! more info :

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The Views represented in this publication are only those expressed by ourselves, some may be true others almost completely made up, but somewhere there will be a grain of truth… don't forget ,there's no smoke without fire !! …..the walls have ears ! The Punter is always watching! E-mail THe Punter at and see it in print every weekend!