THE PUNTER 24th Feb 2002

News from the 1st edition (collectors item!)
All the weeks Gossip from La Tania & Meribel Village

This is it … you've all waited for it … the official La Tania & Meribel village source of gossip, news and useless facts!! From this week on we are gonna give you the low down on what's happening and been happening in the resorts you live in!!

All the dirtiest gossip on all the dirtiest workers .We have it all, keep up with the football scores from the UK, Holland etc over the weekend, we have all the latest on the local sports stars, what's going on around these parts over the next week. For those of you who know the dirt on the locals we beg you to write in to the Editor and give us your gossip, let us know what's going on and where.

As this is the first ever issue of The Punter, I'm sure we have a lot to learn and a whole lot more to get right. We need your guys to help us and get this thing off and running, so support us and we'll support you lot.

SNOW!
Thank the Lord ! If there's one thing we've been praying for it's The Punter, if there's two things it's The Punter and tons of snow! It's been dumping all week and by now you should have put those new skis and boards to the test. Powder riding doesn't get any better than this- fill yer boots there's no guarantee it'll last, so GO HARD OR GO HOME! If you see anyone new in resort this week, rub them for luck- they'll appreciate it as much as you do. The Punter will keep you informed of any imminent dumps for the rest of the season- for more detailed information turn to page two for the long range forecast.

Letters to the Editor
Dear Ed,
I'd like to thank you for the opportunity to be the first contributor to 'The Punter', I'm in need of your help in a slightly delicate matter…normally I go unicorn hunting in Slovakia (north) during the months of July & November. I need to know If I need a licence to hunt the wretched beast in Savoie during May?
Yours truly,
Colonel P N Droitwich III

Sadly I believe that a licence to hunt Unicorn is no longer available due to the abundance of sanglier and the forthcoming ski jump/hunting season (starts June 3rd)

Dear Ed,
Do you think it will be cold today…. should I wear thermals?

Look out the F***ing window

Restaurant review
In a shameless plug for the Lodge Du Village, the Lodge Du Village was found to be the best restaurant in the Trois Vallees by the editor and his charming companion last Tuesday. Sadly we have no recollection of how the food tasted as we were royally entertained by host and local Lionel Blair impersonator… T Wall ! However Tim tells us to recommend the Salata Caesar Con Pollo and the Sanglier soup (watch out for the buckshot).

Next week the Ferme de La Tania is the best restaurant in the Trois Vallees (reservation for 8pm Tuesday SVP).

ESF News
Big News for all those who know Kef ,He is now a dad…..yes the bouncing little girl weighed in at 3.5 Kg…….Congratulations from all at The Punter All the best (I'm sure he said the Murphys were on him !!!!!)
Torchlit Descent on Thursday night at 7pm ..Vin Chaud offered on the Troika !! Fait Attention with those naked flames lads !!

New Arrivals
Dave(Rentertainment) has his 2 kids arriving on Monday. Tom(18) & Katie (20) are sure to be welcomed warmly by all saisonairres (!). B.Wall (Tims dad) rocks into town on Thursday.

BarFly
Eyes down for a full house of gossip…it's the Barfly !!
Shibboleth swapped a few gigs around this week playing LDV on Tuesday instead of Thursday due to George hob-nobbing with celebrity chef Jamie Oliver and his band !! Next week they'll miss their Saturday gig as they have agreed to turn out for Norwich City as a favour to Delia Smith.... best of luck in goal Colin !!

As usual on a Tuesday night all the regulars were the last to be kicked out using the standard excuses for a lock-in. Full marks to Kelly (FFS) for her ingenious 'hide under table 5' trick.

Heard at the Bar…
Ex Ski lodge chef Pete joined the ranks of the ski bums this week following his happy departure
from Snowline. Somebody please give him a job and tell him to shut the f**k up about his Ideas.

In a unrelated incident Steve (one of the current Ski lodge chefs) is facing his final ,final, no this time I mean it, No Really! warning following his inability to turn up for work on time. Pete was then seen plying Steve with beers in a pathetic attempt to get him to sleep in.

Seen at the Bar…
MY WORD !! what a lot of flesh there was to be seen on Tuesday night..the now standard 'Cash or Breast' made a triumphant return with Kat(Ski Beat) and Sara(Crystal?Thomson?) Baring all for a couple of rounds of shots..Full marks for presentation girls,keep them coming !

Up to six members of Snowline have been spotted at the bar this week (!) Sadly they were unable to take a seat due to an over-starching incident at their group underpant washing session.

Congratulations to Jo ( Ski Deep) for making it through to the end of Feb..many thought with those early warnings she was on rocky ground,but no-she proved them wrong (must be Shorty's good influence)…Good on you girl.

Dan (builder/plumber/shagger) seems to be doing very well in his French lessons..mange tout!!

Dying for a shag!
Mike from Snowline…remains untouched all season
Will someone please release his tension.
Kath (Ski Lodge) always pissed ..always up for it.
Ben (Ski Lodge) has had plenty but wants plenty more (Dutchies included)..what's your running total Ben ?

Club News
Vietnam Veterans meet up in the Ski lodge on Wednesday night. Free drink* if you show your services tattoo and signs of mental instability. Simply approach bar and claim in your best Geordie accent 'tirez moi vite'.
*Free drink is pint of Mekong Delta water.

Olympic Review
This week saw the Savoie Sanglier shooting/Ski Jumping team gain bronze in this new Olympic exhibition sport, proving once again that the region of Savoie is at the forefront of the modern sporting world. From all of us at The Back Page there's a big 'Bien Cuit'!
Congrats also go to the GB womens curling team after their gold medal winning performance in Salt Lake City. Incredibly all the team come from the south coast of England and learnt to curl using the polished floors of Blenheim Palace, dead moles & industrial strength feather dusters.

More Olympic stuff…
A spectator at the 4 man bob track narrowly escaped serious injury from the Royal marine commando and GB driver Lee Johnston - the spectator in question had thrown a stone at Johnstons visor. The GB team were offered a re-run and are currently in 17th position, the spectator was only able to avoid injury due to the team travelling at 80mph at the time and could not hit the brakes quickly enough to give him a right good kicking. The entrepreneurial spirit of the British has been seen at the ice dance arena, selling bags of salt to throw under the USA dancers skates.

The Views represented in this publication are only those expressed by ourselves, some may be true others almost completely made up, but somewhere there will be a grain of truth… don't forget ,there's no smoke without fire !! …..the walls have ears ! The Punter is always watching! Remember folks this is just a taste of what's to come- get your news, views, requests & ideas into us at thepunterlatania@hotmail.com and see it in print every weekend!

 

 

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